Communist Doorbeetle

Thinking.

2004-06-13T22:03:00.000+10:00

I wonder why im at uni. My friend cambee said hes not going to uni til he decides what he wants to do with his life. Like as though uni is the means not the end. I never thought of it like that. I've pretty much achieved everything i set out to do in this life. I need to create some new goals. For a while i was thinking of goals that weren't the right ones. Now I want to find real goals, and considering how easily i achieved all the others, i can probably achieve these too. I know Marcelle is a part of them. I want to be with her so badly, I know I love her so much! I'll see her again tomorrow. I can't wait to feel her someone in my arms again. And I can't wait for it to be her.

Ive been tempted to write something about 'the day after tomorrow' and 'troy' cuz i saw them recently and they made me think about war and climate change and big things like that. But nothing i say in here is important or relevant, cuz i'm not an expert in these things. Id rather wonder out loud (sound of fingers on keys hehe) about me...and use this as a tool to explore who i am.

Its good talking to cambee...we ponder the universe. We've both matured so much, in different ways. Sometimes I feel like i'm my immature younger self standing outside of myself looking at my mature self and thinking 'wow, when did that happen.'

Somehow ive experienced so much in the world already! I know so much! I don't know everything. I think I'm learning not to know everything too. I have an anti-role model for that. Its strange living next to so many people i dont know. Before I lived next to empty spaces...places that had potential perhaps, weren't used up. They wont get used up though either. I hope Australia doesn't die of the heat and the dryness.

I like the night time. I think my computer is my third arm. But maybe i'm losing touch with it. I think the internet is too big. Its good, but having all that information in my computer makes me wonder how much my computer really knows. Can it be my tool if it is processing so much rubbish? And in the exact same sense, my mind, i think i'm drowning in information. I want to know what's happening in Darfur. But it doesn't affect me at all. American politics might affect me... but argentinian politics probably never will. Maybe i should try and simplify my life. But I dont want to be one of Howards mindless drones, getting all my information from propaganda. But the world threatens to cave my brain in, and fill up the empty spaces where i could have built my goals... I have to make this place my own. I have to make Marcelle my own, even if i still share her lol. What a crazy situation it all is where my girl is probably at the moment making love to sarah in a different city, and im sitting here beyond jealousy. Is that me becoming more mature in my love for her? I really think it is.

'I want something good to die for, to make it beautiful to live'

Anyway, enough for tonight.

Night wonderings

2004-06-13T21:53:00.000+10:00

Listening to Dave Brubeck-Chicago (That toddling Town)

here i am sitting like a thousand other people on the internet writing a blog when i could be doing something useful. My girl is out with her girl, and my friend who's here visiting is out with his girl. And i can't get the other computer to work. Why would it load up some webpages but not others? I don't understand. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sitting here wondering whether i have anything interesting to think about.

I saw 'day after tomorrow' last night. It made me miss my girl. So much. I can't be bothered writing anymore even though ive got heaps to say. I said it all to Cambee earlier. Think I'll sleep.

Creed? Its amazing what you learn on the internet.

2004-06-09T11:54:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Sakkuth (Sakkuþ) - Ecstasy Haunting

Creed have broken up. Could anything be happier? Maybe music can get back to creating music instead of pushing the neocon agenda.

Stop hijacking my religion!!!!!!!!!!!

Reagan...scarier than bush.

2004-06-09T11:49:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Megadeth - Prince of Darkness

Ive always thought that the one thing that could possibly be worse for the world than Bush, is someone with Bush's black and white conservatism, plus some semblance of a brain. (Although joining the Republican party makes me seriously doubt the existance of intelligence in those who do it, not that i like the democrats much either). I was four when he stopped being president so I don't remember. But I get the impression from the media hype that he was as black and white as Bush, but he actually achieved much of what he wanted to do. (i.e. doing evil in the name of christianity). Just lucky Bush isn't as intelligent. Although maybe if bush had a brain, he'd have done something useful in his presidency. Can anyone tell me anything useful he has done?

Yet another attempt at keeping one of these things...

2004-06-09T10:51:00.000+10:00

Feeling:	Neutral, cold, and calculating. A little bit tired.
Music	Tuesday's Gone - Metallica, God - Seeded Crown, Planet Caravan - Pantera

I wonder how I'll go. I tried it before...too many passwords and back and forth emails. What a joke. Im sitting here, Laura should be here soon to work on physics presentation....

This city is too full of people. We watched Secretary last night, me and my girl and her girl. What a strange world i find myself in. I liked the movie. It spoke to some deep fetish in me. I want a slave girl hehe... But its really the opposite. Maybe i should get my naràyaà to fetch me a drink.

I can't let this city drag me down. I have to learn to be me, and not be dependent on others for my self esteem. I'm good enough for me. I can be good enough for anyone. Sometimes I forget that my girl is in love with me because I'm me. Not because I'm some construct.

This song is so beautiful, this Planet Caravan. The best mellow music is always done by heavy heavy bands. My printer looks like a vacuum cleaner. I want to have sex. Please. Soon. We'll see what the evening brings. Homework and cleaning up most likely.

And please don't get me started on americans. They don't even have custard!